I’m sorry, but your father is dead…  

My mission to find my father was accomplished – yet I was left with a shattered heart.  

At seventeen years old, I grabbed a phone book and called all the people with his last name in the valley area of Texas, asking for my father. I was just a daughter looking for her father… 

That is life, unfortunately. But that is not the story I will tell you.  

My story – is of hope in the middle of heartache because there is hope in the Lord.  

At eighteen, I traveled to Texas to meet my aunt, who shared the sad news about my father.  

I met some cousins and another aunt. I left, and life happened.  

I found out I had two half-brothers and kept in touch with one through the years. Phone calls became video calls – and we could see each other finally. It was a face to the voice of a man who also lived a broken life.  One who loved me and accepted me as his sister.

I continued my education; my career path is one of high demand and long hours. I worked full-time and went to school at night full-time for a couple of years.  

I prayed for an opportunity to meet my brother in Mexico. I longed to visit my father’s grave to take him flowers and to touch the ground six feet above his body.  

I promised my brother I would visit him one day. 

At thirty-seven years old, 20 years later, God answered my prayer.  

I was now prepared to visit my father’s hometown, my family roots, and my blood.  I am from there and the blood in my veins will always know my homeland.  

God goes before us and is with us always. I prayed and asked God to please let me share His love and goodness with my father’s family.  This was my mission.  

As I walked the streets that my father once walked, I felt connected to him.  

For a short time, I was among his people, my people and they embraced me with love and kindness.  

I laughed, cried, hugged all my family members, and said, “I love you.”  

God loves us, and we are called to love those around us – strangers and family.  

I had moments of “thank you, God, nothing happened to me” and laughed at myself because I didn’t know any better.  Heating water is necessary, to say the least.  We are so fortunate to live in America and have the luxury of just getting in the shower.  

Walking everywhere was so foreign to me.  I walked with my sister-in-law late evening to buy our dinner for that night. I don’t know if I was scared or curious, but we made it home safely with fresh flour tortillas, meat, and a coke bottle.  

I wanted to embrace the moments as they came, so I didn’t overthink.  I went with the flow of each thing we did. I embraced the trip God blessed me to experience through His love and protection.   

The trip to the Plaza was so enriching as I saw the different vendors and everyone speaking my native language. There was laughter, kids playing, and a corner food vendor with elotes – omg, it was the best.  

Walking through the park at night there were young couples holding hands, kids playing, and everyone eating from the food trucks all around the park. Sitting on the bench I enjoyed some flaming hot Cheetos and corn.  I had tried something new, but it was very spicy.  

Hamburgers it was for dinner one night with my brother’s family; as we sat down our number 24 was placed on the table. I enjoyed seeing my brother and his little boy enjoy their meals. The days were going by so fast.  

At the laundromat I saw an elephant figurine on the countertop which is one of my favorite animals. I knew I was where I was supposed to be. I was at peace.  

My father’s grave – my heart was pounding, and tears rolled down my face as my brother helped me pick out the biggest red cross to put on his grave. I was happy.  I was sad.  I was everything that words can’t explain, and how do you let those emotions out when you want to see your father’s grave to bring him a gift of the cross, the love of Jesus Christ? We returned to plant flowers – corona de cristo, aloe vera, and a pine tree. I love you, papa.  

Christmas and New Year’s celebrations with my brother’s family are some of the best memories of love and laughter.  Playing Loteria and giving my brother the bag of coins, I won all night, even if I did fall asleep through the games. My brother would clap his hands to wake me up – it was as if we had lived with each other for years and years because we joked with each other like siblings.

My father’s brother, my only uncle drove me back to Texas.  I am forever grateful for his kindness in waking up at 6 am after New Year’s so I could start my journey back home. We talked as we waited to cross the border.  He told me stories of his work, health, and family.  

When I arrived back in Texas, I visited my other brother, aunts, grandfather, and cousins.  

My grandfather, a wise man at 95 years old, met me for the first time. I enjoyed a meal of my aunt’s tamales with him. I ate them all, even if I ate them all week. I was not going to turn away my aunt’s food. I ate everything they offered me with love. And I may have gained more than love during this trip –another story.  

My goodbye – when I went to my grandfather’s room to say goodbye, he was doing his crossword puzzle. I bent down to look him in his eyes and to tell him I got to visit his son and that I loved him.  He said to me, “como da vuelta el mundo.”  I cried and finally released my emotions of the brokenhearted child inside me.  At that moment, I felt a father’s love as he held my face with his tender hand and kissed my cheek. I was loved; I was always loved.  

God showed me His love through my family during this trip. I am forever grateful for the grace of God over my life. For the power of forgiveness and restoration. God is always faithful. In His time, He makes everything beautiful (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

Our hope is in the Lord – never give up on the impossible!  

My prayer for you reading this is that God will show you what He has for you, that He will pour His love and favor over your life and that your prayers will be answered in the least expected moment – have faith. God sees you! 1 Corinthians 2:9